1.2.05 Close Talkers

You know what really gets my goat? (Other than bad, unclear idioms?) Close talkers. There is not a doubt in my mind that at some point in your life, you have come across one. You know, these are the people who are always just a little bit too close.

Close talkers just send out the wrong message. There’s nothing that can ruin a possible friendship quite like a close talker. And the message is “I think you should feel the heat of my breath every time I talk to you.”

That’s the problem with close talkers. They also don’t KNOW that they are close talkers, which accentuates the problem. You know that you have been talking to a close talker at least once in your life. Your mind goes into panic mode, you start thinking, “I need to find a place in the conversation that would allot for an ever-so-slight step away from this spot, right here.” So, when the time comes (and never quick enough) you step away in a slightly awkward “I hope he/she doesn’t notice I am deliberately stepping away” kind of manner.

But, here’s the kicker: THEY STEP TOWARDS YOU AGAIN! See, they need to close the gap. They’re not close enough to converse anymore. Of course, you continue to make moves away, but it never really goes well, and by the end of the conversation, you are about a foot and a half to the right of where the conversation commenced.

And is it just me, but don’t close talkers ALWAYS have bad breath AND spit when they talk?

Yeah, thought so.

When will these people learn??? They won’t, that’s the thing. Sometimes, they make me just wanna scream “GIVE ME MY PERSONAL SPACE” and then indicate an acceptable standing distance.

The idea here is that in the course of a casual conversation, you should not be close enough to someone to spontaneously make out.