Make mine a window seat.

This is Kelly’s internal sense of annoyance.
Aside from the ability to make loose references to Chuck Palahniuk, during the last two years, I have (finally) developed a particular penchant for flying. It started off with the concentrated nervousness that accompanies a young woman who is flying alone for the first time in her life. Why is it, that at 25, I couldn’t get a set of those little wings they give kids who fly alone? It was my first time alone! That’s special too!
Now, a mature, worldly 26, I fly with such confidence that my cynical mind has time to process and subsequently reject the ambiance of an airplane. These are things that I have found myself mentally “shouting” about, for fear that if I actually mentioned something the powers that be might sweep me away for questioning by angry men in suits. (Must be true: that’s happened in every comedy flick that takes place in an airport).
OMG! YOU ARE SO LOUD! I CAN’T HEAR MY FREE SATELLITE RADIO STATIONS OR READ MY BOOK! I understand, some of us have things SO important in their life that they need to shout to their Spanish-speaking friend on their archaic cell phone while we wait for everyone to board. Seriously, that cell phone must have been a Zack Morris clone, because my mom doesn’t even talk that loud on her cell phone. When you’re done, reading a book to your young child is lovely. But here’s the thing: you’re sitting behind me, I don’t even speak Spanish, but I know enough to realize what you’re saying is really annoyingly LOUD to me. Furthermore, EVERYONE you know must be hard of hearing, including your child, because I’m pretty sure the pilot, who is sitting behind that nice heavy door would like you to remember that you’re sitting in a large, flying tin can with wings and there is NO NEED TO TALK THAT LOUD. Ever.
IT’S TURBULANCE. STOP MAKING THAT FACE ! Again, there’s a theme here. We’re in the SKY, in a glorified tin can with wings and some big flippin’ goose-eatin’ engines (too soon?). I’m no scientist, but I think I would be more concerned if I DIDN’T feel anything while I was in the air. Plus, the flight attendant made it clear that we should only panic if those little plastic tubies with the cute miniature yellow solo cup and attached elastic fall down. See ‘em? No? Then we’re good. ::thumbs up::
::whisper yell:: IT’S COOL IF YOU SLEEP, BUT STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE ARM REST! Enough said here. Awwwwwwwwwwwwk-ward.
I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! How nice, you must be fascinating. But, in case you didn’t notice, I’m traveling alone. This means, most likely, that for the duration of my trip, I don’t want to talk to anyone. In fact, I have checked in with the automated kiosk so I don’t need to have that awkward moment where I stare blankly at the buttoned-up Customer Service Rep and tell her that no, I will not be checking any bags today. I have attempted, in vain, to fiddle with my iPod and book to indicate my intentions for the flight.
Hey, since we’re chatting, remember that movie where the girl fell in love with the guy she was sitting next to on the plane? No? Oh, right, because it doesn’t happen. Shut up.